These are trying times…well…actually trying moments. I feel like there are so many things in my life that for the longest time I have never fully been resolved. My weight. I like chocolate and Snapea Crisps and sometimes, often, when I have something delicious, I don’t want to stop putting it in my mouth…over and over. I ache in my heart. I want to feel so full I can’t think about anything. And I see other women, young old and in between. with flat tummies…and I guess fat tummies. My laptop battery is dying. Stinky. It seems to be dying faster lately. What is the deal with that. My room has been messy for weeks and weeks. My laundry is dirty and I have no quarters.
I feel scared that the wedding won’t be good. I feel so alone sometimes…at church. I feel like I only have a few friends here who know me and love me for real. I need a pastor to marry us and it feels so hard to get ahold of one. But maybe it will be okay. 5 There are lots of them here but they are so busy and you are supposed to do premarital counseling first…but the course only starts a couple weeks before the date.
I feel scared to be forgotten and overlooked. I want to be loved and valued and to feel safe. I think it’s going to be okay. Jesus please help me.
June 4th, 2009 - 3:02 am
Ok, first I want to tell you that you are an absolute blessing to our family and most of all you are a blessing to John. He loves you for who you are, the whole package and kaboodle. He see’s you as no other see’s you. You are in his heart and soul. There is nothing about you that he dislikes. You may not agree about everything in your lives together, but remember how the both of you react to difficult situations is the key thing in keeping it together. Reactions say a thousand words. (Hmm, how should I react to that? How should I have reacted? Or was a reaction valuable at all?). Yes, you will hurt one another, but how normal is that? Very! You will not always get along, HOWEVER “NEVER” and I repeat, NEVER go to sleep angry or without saying I love you no matter if you don’t want to. Trust me! You can always talk to me,too. I think that I know John pretty good and what’s going on in that head at times. Just enjoy what is happening right now, the wedding plans will all come together. Enjoy every moment! It’s amazing what the two of you have. Love Heather
June 11th, 2009 - 10:32 am
Thanks for the comment. John is amazing and I love him dearly. He is such a help and a strength to me. Thanks for the good advice. I think for the most part John and I are super good at being kind and getting stuff resolved quickly and fairly and kindly. He truly is a prince. Thank you for raising such a wonderful man.
July 16th, 2009 - 9:42 pm
:-) I’m quite excited to hear all about the wedding whenever it happens.